U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize