And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
