Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
