hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
