If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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