At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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