I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
