i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
