i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
