just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize