sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
