you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
