I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
