Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
