My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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