Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
