So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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