I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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