What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
