u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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