after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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