He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
