We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
