I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
