so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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