I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
