The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
