i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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