It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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