It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
