Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Even my vagina gasped.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
