sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
