me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
