If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize