this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
