we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
