Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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