I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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