Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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