So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
