I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize