help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
its not stalking. its research.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
