Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
