Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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