I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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