dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
