take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize