i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
