New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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