I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
