watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
