sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
