i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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