Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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