and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
