He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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