shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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