I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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