I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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