Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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