everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
