I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
