how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
