i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You are a genius and a whore.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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