just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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