dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
