Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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