just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
