He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize