yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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