I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
