also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
