Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
