i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize