i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
