I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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