...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have demons in me.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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