I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize