you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
