Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
