I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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