The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
